Growing Into More

With every child I birth I feel as if a new piece of myself is born too; some new dimension of God’s love welcomes me deeper into this experience of being more robustly alive.

It’s as though a new aspect of life that had previously been hidden or unavailable to me has opened up clearly and widely, inviting me into secrets that were previously inaccessible.

Funny thing: it’s as if life produces more life.

I look at Nova, at her lips that coo contentedly even in sleep, the rhythm of her small chest pulsing, and the dribble of milk coursing down her dumpling chin, and I wonder: how did this happen?

How does love do this?  …just go on making miracles every day as if it were no big deal?

Nova is only two weeks old today, and yet my arms wonder where she ever was before now.

Perhaps, some long time ago, I might have wondered if a mother could have enough love in her for so many children… Now, I realize that as a mother, I am simply a channel of love, an open pathway from the heart of God to my little ones. The Source – the heart of God – is the never-ending fountain of love that fills me over and over, allowing that love to pour into my children.

As I am poured out for them, I am again filled – by His Divine provision – with more: more love, more hope, more faith.

I have become recklessly dependant on His provision now, yet, I have never felt safer or more secure, even as we look odd or unwise to the world.

My heart is so full.

The world is opening up to me again as I emerge from this season of gestation and waiting; and here I find more beauty, more freedom, more passion, and more mystery ready to sweep me up and take me into newness.  I never imagined that motherhood could be such a profoundly mystical experience (in the New Testament sense of ‘divine mystery’), constantly conforming us to the heart of the Father.

I wonder where the next leg of the journey will lead; I wonder what new doors Nova’s life is opening up for us…  it is indeed a wonder to be granted the gift of motherhood.

 

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4 Comments

  • Reply chana June 9, 2016 at 7:18 pm

    Beautifully said. Nova is beautiful and looks so big.

    • Reply Bonnie June 9, 2016 at 11:57 pm

      Thanks, Chana 🙂

  • Reply Catherine June 10, 2016 at 7:35 am

    Yes, Yes, Yes! Isn’t it wonderful how He multiplies our love for all our children, not divides it among them. More children = more love.

    Nova is precious!

    • Reply Bonnie June 10, 2016 at 5:10 pm

      <3

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